Good morning, girls! Today is our first-ever post from our new contributor Jeff Bethke. He will be regularly sharing thoughts on purity from a guy's perspective, and we hope you'll enjoy this new point of view and his refreshingly honest style.
by Jeff Bethke
Ladies, can I talk to you as a brother real quick? I more than anyone is for girls dressing modestly, but I think we are in danger in the future if we don’t realize a few things. I came across a recent article that argued modesty standards are sometimes just as sinful as girls who dress promiscuously. I wholeheartedly agree, but first let me explain.
Because promiscuity is so prevalent today us in the church have reacted by elevating modesty to unhealthy proportions. We jump too quickly into behavior modification and don’t realize that most of our modesty campaigns are actually borderline legalism.
One rule in particular that “Christian” schools, universities, and clubs like to enforce is the “skirt test.” It usually involves the woman getting on her knees to see if the skirt touches the ground, which if it does it’s deemed acceptable. My question though is what are we doing in that moment? Is the gospel being exalted or are we heaping shame and condemnation on them?
The fact that she is on her knees for the test couldn’t be more symbolic of submission, power, shame, and guilt. The trouble, however, is that while modesty standards are set up to not make women’s bodies an object, it is in fact doing that very thing.
Highlighting the girl’s dress in front of everyone, and telling her she should dress a certain way because she doesn’t want “to make the men stumble” is simply making her an object. In the body we need to realize using men’s sin and lust issues as the reason why a woman should dress a certain way is actually making her just as much an object than if she were to dress promiscuously.
Now am I saying a woman should dress promiscuously? Hear me emphatically say NO. There is nothing more attractive to me than a woman who dresses in a way that brings attention to her face, not her body. But, I am arguing that we must be on guard against our hearts natural inclination towards legalism.
Every lady should ask herself when getting dressed, “am I getting dressed thinking about God’s gaze upon me or someone else’s?” Because the truth is whether you dress to be looked at modestly, or you dress to be looked at promiscuously, you are still dressing to be looked at by someone other than your Creator.
Let me say this loud and clear ladies: you are not an object! Dressing so “church people” will accept you or dressing so guys will gawk at you is the same sin—becoming a slave to the praise of man. Tomorrow we will look at two reasons specifically that usually lead to this idolatry of modesty, and propose the solution to how we can live with the proper biblical tension on this subject.
Have you experienced idolatry to modesty? How so?
I had never really thought about modesty this way, but it actually makes a lot of sense. Thanks for opening my eyes to the fact that both extremes are equally bad!
ReplyDeletehttp://gennean.blogspot.com
I love this! I am so excited to share this post with my girls.
ReplyDeleteModesty was never a suggestion growing up, it was the way of living. From the clothes my Mother, sister and
I wore to how we interacted with boys and men, modesty was the rule. Looking back, I grew as a Christian in a legalistic church and at the time didn't notice how condemning I was of other girls because the standards in my home were so high. By the grace and power of the Holy Spirit, today I am able to show God's grace to the girls God has placed in my life. Even Modesty can become our idol. I love that He pointed in that direction.
Just this morning as I prayed for what to post on my blog, God reminded me of a letter that my guy friend wrote the girl's in my youth group regarding purity and their heart. I am also reminded of my youth leader's husband sharing His heart with the discipleship group I was a part of as a teen. How important to have a godly man pour God's love and wisdom in our lives.
Excellent, excellent article! My husband and I were just questioning the accepted "church dress" in our culture. Why do we dress up? Whose approval are we seeking? Thanks for providing solid guidance for women who wish to honor the Lord with modesty!
ReplyDeleteI had a leader in youth group in high school have me do the "shirt test" where we had to change our shirts if our stomach showed when we raised our arms above our heads.
ReplyDeleteBefore heading out for a work day on a mission trip to Seattle, she had me do the shirt test in front of a few of the kids in my group. The bottom part of my shirt rose up above my waist line, and she made me go change. But I couldn't help but notice that another girl in the group had a shirt on that showed her stomach without raising her arms, and the leader didn't make her change.
It was then I realized that it was because I had a larger chest - she saw me as more "in need" of modesty than the other, smaller girl.
Not only did it embarrass me in front of my friends, but it made me feel upset and self-conscious about the size of my chest.
This is still an issue of concern and shame for me, and it feels very backwards.
Thank you for this article. I wish more leaders in the church guided their students towards a healthy concept of modesty.
wow, so true! never saw it like that
ReplyDeleteThis is brilliant! The arguments on modesty and the legalism founding it has always grated on me, for some unknown reason. I think you've just made me realise why.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I never had to deal with the whole promiscuous side to my clothes. But at the same time, I've never felt comfortable in any kind of clothing that wasn't up to my collarbone and down past my knees due to leagalism in the school I went to. I grew up being told that pants were "of the devil" and that if I were to wear my shorts above my knees I "would become pregnant."
ReplyDeleteEventually, my mother saw what was being drilled into my head and told me that the people who made the rules weren't in charge of my life. God is in charge of my life and He wants us to be free in Him.
Of course, there are some people who are just comfortable wearing long shorts and skirts every day. But I know now that the way I dress is reflecting the Person I belong to. The way I dress has nothing to do with what my teachers say or what my pastor says. As long as I'm following God's Word and being modest, I'm okay. I don't have to test my skirt out every day and I don't have to wear shirts that are above three fingers under my collarbone (you know, the test that if you put three fingers in a close three--pinky and thumb holding the three together--and place it under your collarbone, your shirt shouldn't go that far down).
Thank you so much for posting this! Some people really need to hear this!