Why I Shaved My Head

by Allie Marie Smith

Before we left on our trip of a lifetime to Egypt, Jordan and Israel I prayed that I wouldn't come home the same. I wanted to be changed, challenged in some long-lasting way. My prayer was answered but not in the way I would have imagined. Let me explain...

I wanted to experience the Holy Land in a way that sparked my emotions and magnified my faith. We rode camels with the Pyramids as our backdrop; explored the ancient red rock city of Petra in Jordan; climed Mt. Sinai at midnight; visited the Wailing Wall and toured Jerusalem, sailed on the Sea of Galilee and floated like a cork in the dead sea. Our eyes saw 3,000 year old stones and our feet walked the very paths of Jesus. During our trip, I felt God exposing things that needed to change in my life. I knew I had a serious problem when after posing for a picture with my husband upon the very steps Jesus walked on, I was more concerned with how I looked in the photo than I was amazed by the reality that Jesus actually walked there. I was disgusted with myself and prayed for help.  Throughout our trip I was moved, challenged and educated, but I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that I didn't experience something that totally rocked my world.

That was, until I met Daisy.

The night of our supposed departure from Israel, we learned that due to Hurricane Sandy our flight was canceled. We were stuck in Tel Aviv for two extra nights. We put a call in to the Merricks - friends from Santa Barbara who were living in Israel to seek alternative treatment for Daisy, their 8 year-old girl who was battling cancer.

We all exchanged hugs and I got to meet Daisy for the first time - she wore a peaceful smile even after receiving more than 8 shots less than an hour earlier. At only eight, after 6 surgeries, 22 rounds of chemotherapy and 2 courses of radiation, Daisy still wears a smile across her face and as I write this is facing her most serious battle yet as two large tumors have appeared in her abdomen and she is extremely weak.

We enjoyed beach time at the shore of the Mediterranean.  Daisy sang songs as we tried to catch the tiny minos.

"I'm timid," Daisy said.

"That's okay. I think it's great that you're timid. You're exactly who God wonderfully created you to be."

"Yup," Daisy replied with confidence.

I asked Daisy about her favorite book and was impressed by her intelligent responses to my questions and her big vocabulary. I was smitten by her quirky and peaceful disposition and my heart leaped a beat when she asked if I would hold her hand.

At dinner the waitress mistook Daisy for a boy, but she didn't even flinch. Daisy seemed 100% comfortable in her own skin - even with her limp, her scars and her adorable peach fuzz hair.

The Merrick Family

I took this picture of Isaiah and Daisy - isnt' it precious?

After a lovely night of Greek food and gelato in the seaport town of Jaffa, we said our goodbyes to the Merricks and haven't stopped praying for them since. You can read Kate, Daisy's mom's most recent and heart-wrenching post here. - please pray for Daisy and her family. My heart cannot even fathom the struggle for Daisy's life they have been enduring for far too long.

After our last night in Israel, Paul and I found out that we had been re-routed through Paris (how rough!). After spending the night in the City of Lights, I tracked down the hotel's one treadmill to run off some stress. The treadmill was broken, jerking me back and forth. I told my husband Paul I was going on a run.  I ran 200 yards on a sidewalk in Paris and stumbled across a beautiful church from the 1500's. I walked inside wearing my sweaty shorts and tank top and it was there that I experienced an intimate time with God; more so than any of my time in the Holy Land. God doesn't live in a building, but in the hearts and lives of those who love them. I see now why I encountered the Lord so powerfully through Daisy. His strength is made perfect in weakness. I confessed a lot of things and I prayed that I would go home different. It was on the run back that I thought I think God spoke to me.

Cut your hair, I felt God say.

Me: No, that's crazy.

Cut it off.

So I did. During our layover in Atlanta, I asked the receptionist if I could borrow his office scissors. I ran up stairs and cut my ponytail off. I spent the next hour cleaning up scraps of hair. I flew home with the craziest hair you can imagine and I shaved it off completely when I got home.

Cutting off my pony tal with hotel office scissors

When people ask me why I shaved my head, I don't really know what to say. I tell them to pray for Daisy and my friend Kenon, who is also battling cancer for the fourth or fifth time. But the truth is I didn't really cut if for them because they didn't need me to - I cut it because I wanted to be more like them. They are two of the most beautifully contagious souls I've met. When cancer hits, it has the way of stripping off things we cling too tightly too. While I don't have cancer, I wanted to experience what it's like to cut something off like part of my physical beauty to see if something more beautiful would shine through in its place.  I shaved it in hopes that with cutting off my hair I would also cut off my over-preoccupation with the way I look.

After spending weeks in countries where women must cover their hair and even their face for religious reasons, I wasn't ready to come home to our hyper-sexualized culture which overvalues a woman's appearance and undervalues her true self. I didn't want to take my freedom or hair for granted and I didn't want to put too much stock in my physical appearance anymore.

I wanted to be free of that just like Daisy is free of that. I'm still on my journey as a free, privileged woman living in America. And I still have my vanity and pride issues - and other problems. I have to be honest when I tell you that the last three months of my life have been some of the hardest - not because of my lack of hair, but because of some personal physiological struggles I've been dealt with. But I'm experiencing God through them. So now, now you know why I cut my hair. Also, I want to say thanks to Anne Hathaway for bringing the Pixie cut back in style!

I want to invite you to please pray for Daisy and her family as they continue to fight for her life.
You can follow Daisy's story at prayfordaisy.com